just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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