I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
