Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
