I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
