Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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