i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
