NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
