dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
