I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
