we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
