Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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