My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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