Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
