if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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