i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
