he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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