Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My brain says no but my pants say off.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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