it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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