Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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