She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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