I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
