Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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