Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
