i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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