I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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