so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
