either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
