That's when you crack a 10am beer
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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