Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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