he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
