your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
