How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
