pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
