she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
