over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
