Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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