I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
