you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
