Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize