I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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