my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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