i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Randomize
