Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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