Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize