I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This baby is an asshole
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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