How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
