So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
