he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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