Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
