we have pet lesbian snakes
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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