Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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