i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
