I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
