I just pynch a tree in the face
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
