It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Everything about him screamed your future.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
