is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize