sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
