Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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