OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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