After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
