Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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