sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
