Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
