It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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