It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
