Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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