Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
