Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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