my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
either way he was missing a nipple.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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