I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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